Why it is worth it to trust your gut instincts
That you had when you were 11 years old. It’s where you will find your creativity and power.
Imagine if you will, you are sitting in the office, a really nice one, with dark floors and walls of glass, not caring about anything but being a good drone, and a song starts playing on your headphones, one that you weren't prepared for. Suddenly your eyes well up, you can barely suppress the emotion. It’s just a single thought that you need to withhold, else you will start crying for real. People will see you. People will ask stupid questions. You can’t get up, you can’t walk around, you hope nobody comes in. You don’t shut it off, you don’t skip the track. You fall into a memory of days past and can’t help to think how the hell you got here and why you are crying. You cue the next song. You think: “I can take this one.” You can’t. You use your sleeve to hide the tear. And for the one on the other eye.
What do you do? You can say screw this drone work and open a new text document. The cursor blinks patiently. Waiting for you. Just sitting there. The only goal is quickly getting this feeling down. Tears can hurt ink on paper, but they can’t touch your keyboard. You're safe. You start typing but you can’t see quite right. It’s all blurry. You crumple up your keyboard, … no, wait. Didn’t I have something to share with the humans out there?
The world was pretty simple for me when I was 11 years old. I knew I wanted to explore the world, that all people are love, that science is awesome, and that being human is a gift and that I can communicate without words and shape the world with my thoughts. I was full of energy, creativity, and love. I wanted to explore the universe and fly to the space station. Nothing could ever phase me. Then puberty hit. As they say: “life happened…”
Suddenly the world was a new world, totally different. Overwhelmed by this raw, real input - I ran with it like everyone around me. Weird feelings ran through me, I bit into the apple and went down the rabbit hole. I lost my path. Humans started telling me things I wasn’t prepared to hear. I took it seriously. I wanted to fit in. I got hurt. I created a mask for myself, then another and another. I put this mask on every time I communicate with others to “fit in.”
One day I realized that this new path is not really working. People seemed happy, but they weren’t. They sounded successful, but they only had a nice car and house, their souls were empty, their eyes cold.
Interacting with children of friends I saw other eyes, the eyes that I was looking for in grown-ups. Bright, inquisitive, bold. Full of energy and raw exploring. Creativity overflowing. That is when I started reflecting and suddenly understood all those lyrics I listened to as an 11-year-old. That is why I tear up when I realize — I am actually faking it. The music reminds me.
Ice is forming on the tips of my wings
Unheeded warnings - I thought I thought of everything
No navigator to find my way home
Unladen, empty and turned to stoneA soul in tension that’s learning to fly
Condition grounded but determined to try
Can’t keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I(Pink Floyd, Learning To Fly)
I suddenly understood that almost all grown-ups are walking dead. One in a billion stays true to the game of figuring this universe out. It’s the humans protecting their own lies - pointing and laughing at those humans because they don’t fit the norm, they never gave up the fight. The creators, the dreamers, the artists, the true scientists. Probably you. Let me tell you one thing. The others in that billion, they all built that mask, they are all wearing it at all times. One can really get depressed by this acting. One starts to think: “I really am the weird one, the only one that has something missing in the brain.” You know the feeling. But it is not true. It’s a lie.
You are you. You have always been you. That gut instinct to do something worthwhile and meaningful, something fun and beautiful, that is the original you. Take that mask and throw it away.
Be you, be authentic. Do not care about the consequences of your actions of being you. Speak out, but softly and quietly. Speak your emotions.
Because everyone is getting older day by day, doesn't mean they will grow old and wise. But you will. (part-time explorer / part-time drone is fine too)
Embrace being lost instead of trying to be “somebody”.
Follow your soul, whatever that is. Do not let yourself be influenced by the naked ape your soul lives in. Because that is what drags us down into reality, forever lost. While I personally don’t believe in earthly religions, the bible talks about a “fall from Eden” and about apples. Who fell, and why? Do we all fall? Did you fall?
Did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
Did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?(Pink Floyd,Wish You Were Here)
Will you get back up?
From this position of freedom from misguided influences, letting everything go, you can find back to your original creativity and love of life itself. Always know, we others, the ones that never gave up — we are out here. We are waiting for you. Join us.
